The Family

Before I started to have kids, I was told by many doctors for 7 years that I was not able to have my own. I married a man that I love who had 2 little girls (not so little anymore). But then I had 3 boys after we got married. I decided to keep their names private and just use their first and middle initials, except for my baby in heaven.

   SM (17, born 8/2005)  is my oldest stepdaughter, she does not live with us, and is currently not talking with me. She stopped talking with me about a year ago after I told her something she didn’t want to hear and now I’m blocked from all her social media (she blocked me) and texting/calling her. To explain, her guardian (her mom’s mom, Mimi) allowed her to withdraw/drop out of school at 15. We have no say in how she’s raised so I can’t do a lick about it. But the girl ALSO doesn’t have a job and relies on everyone else to fund her. She didn't like it when I told her to get  a job so she's mad at me. I know she’s a teen, angry about her life and she will come back around, it’s just hard not being able to talk to her.

   LB (15, born 11/2007) is my youngest stepdaughter. She lives with my husband’s dad and stepmom. They recently adopted her so that my husband could not have any claim on her. So while I have no legal rights over her, she still introduces me as her stepmom to her friends and talks with us often. We see her often and soon she will be working as a buddy for Miracle League, so we will see her every Saturday for the next few weeks.

  RD (12, born 4/2011) is my oldest boy. He’s a typical preteen boy, who loves video games and watching other people play video games (I never would have thought that that would ever be a “thing”). He was born via c-section (breech) at 37 weeks, 5lb 7oz. He’s always been short for his age. When he was 6 he was diagnosed with ADHD and placed on a small dose of Adderall, it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do to help my kid focus in school. We tried regulating it with diet and exercise but he needed medication to help him focus. (*We all say that we would never do something until we have to do it or have to go through it. My child was struggling and I could not help him. Medicine did help and I am thankful for everyone who helped us get through that time in our lives.) When RD was 7 he tested into the genius level in Math, and since then he has been a part of the gifted program and STEM at school. He also attends STEAM classes at Rhodesology in Lima. I’m very proud of him. 

   Titus Chan: he’s my baby who lives in heaven. I talk about him more often now than I did before. He was born on June 5th, 2015, and died on July 3rd the same year. He lived for 28 days and in his last few days, he was in a lot of pain. He was born via c-section at 25 weeks of gestation in Findlay and taken to Toledo Promedica (worst decision ever). He died because his doctor made a mistake. I have forgiven myself, God, Titus’ doctors, and everyone who was involved with his death. It was a long journey to forgiveness and sometimes I still feel anger toward everyone I forgave. He would be 8 this summer and there are still times when I feel robbed of his life. 

   OK (6, born 10/2016) is my baby. My last child as I decided to get a tubal ligation. He was born at 30 weeks gestation (3lb, 11.3oz) and spent 10 weeks in the NICU at Columbus Riverside Hospital. We spent our weekends at the Ronald McDonald's house there. At 10 weeks old, he came home on oxygen and 2 machines; a sleep apnea monitor and Pulse-Ox.  When he was 14 months old his ENT doctor discovered that he wasn’t talking because he couldn’t hear what we were saying, so at 16 months he had tubes placed in his ears. He was delayed in speech but I worked with him every day, when he turned 3 I asked his regular doctor if he should be tested for Autism because he displayed many signs that he was. She ran a quick outdated test to see if there was a need to test him and she said that he is not autistic. I was working on getting him tested for everything when the world shut down. I was lost on how to help my son and I was having more anxiety than normal. I finally got him into speech therapy that fall and suddenly everything came together. We were able to get him tested at Early Intervention. Then he was diagnosed with autism and SPD seeking (Sensory Processing Disorder). He is currently attending the ESC program in another school district. This program for advanced students who need one-on-one attention and can't handle the bigger class rooms.

  I am super proud of all my kids, no matter where they are in their lives, angry at me or not. And I love them all very much.